Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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