I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
