So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
