it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Panties = found
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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