so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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