everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
