Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
