Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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