that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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