i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
