He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
