are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I think people are normalizing furries
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
