You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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