you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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