I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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