neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
