I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
