you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
