If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
