I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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