Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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