Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
