It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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