plz talk dirty to me
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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