omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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