I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
