I should be sponsored by Trojan
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
