So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
