I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Randomize
