She is in my trunk
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
You left your phone here
Wait...
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