I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
