not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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