she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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