FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize