my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
