So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
