my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
