So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
