Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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