my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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