Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
