I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
