I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
