You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
