there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
