Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
wanna go halves on a baby?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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