Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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