I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize