you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Then you guys just all showered together...?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
