I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
