I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
