he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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