It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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