Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I need to align my fucking chakras
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize