Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
we're making bets on your personal life
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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