He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
what day is it and did you see me today?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
