do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
