Swine flu is the new snow day.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
