Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
