Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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