I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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