lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
