Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
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