Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
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