i just wanna soil my oats bro
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
