no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
