Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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