i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
My life is pants optional.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
