he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize