I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
