I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
